Month: June 2017

Love And Support Conquers All

Love And Support Conquers All

You know the saying, “Love Conquers All.” Well, I’m changing it a bit to “Love and Support Conquers All.” You can love easily, but those who offer support to others in need, can overcome so much hardship. We are strong, but with the right support and encouragement, we are stronger together (No, this is not a campaign ad).

My parents taught me how to sympathize with others. I was taught how to love everyone. I had a very positive childhood and I was able to stay positive throughout my 20s. Throughout the years, I learned that no one can do it on their own. Everyone needs a little bit of help, love, encouragement, and support. I offer support differently than others may. I encourage those around me to be in nature. Hug a tree when they are anxious or angry. Go for a walk with a friend (and I can totally be that friend), when they need to talk or vent.  Grab a cup of tea (or a glass of wine) and cry on a shoulder of someone dear. We can never do it alone. We need support. Life is hard and each of us deserves to be surrounded in love, encouragement, and nature.

I try to listen and I honestly give what I am able to. I will lend you an ear and a shoulder to cry on if you need it. I’ll give you advice when you ask for it (and sometimes even when you don’t ask for it). I will drink tea or wine (and even bourbon). If your kids are making you crazy, I’ll pick them up and have fun with them so you can take a break. I’ll bring you baked goods. I’ll dance the night away with you. I’ll be a damn good recommendation for a job or a new pet or your children. I’ll love deeply. I will be honest. I am a good friend.

However, there are times when I need reciprocation. I want to be supported. I want to be loved and encouraged. I want to be heard. I would love that shoulder to cry on sometimes. I would kill to have a friend pop over unexpectedly or call to see how I’m doing. Take my kids so I can take a break or enjoy an afternoon with my husband. Bring tea or wine or bourbon and we’ll have a dance party. Sometimes, I can’t be strong anymore. Sometimes, I break down and I fall apart and it’s my turn.

I have my faults, especially lately. I’m hard on myself. REALLY HARD. I expect a lot from myself and when I’m that hard on myself, I will likely be tough on you. This doesn’t mean my loyalty and love falters. It just means my relationships with family or friends have suffered because of it. I have lost my strength and my love for life. I’ve lost the ability to see a positive side, however, I have not lost the love for those who I care deeply for. If I love you and when you need me, I will be there to help with what I can. I tend to be dramatic often because of my tendency to over-analyze a comment or misunderstand what others say. I say what I’m thinking and I sometimes try not to react and shut my mouth instead. But I simmer. Those words in my mind simmer, and my reaction boils over most of the time. Those who love me should know this and accept this about me, and not make me feel 10x worse about it. Know that I am trying, but it doesn’t happen overnight and it may never happen. This is who I am. I speak my mind and I speak my truth. Accept it or move on.

Life happens. Shit happens. We power through. We struggle to heal with the things that we cannot control or the things we cannot change. We struggle to witness our loved ones be hurt or suffer. I suffer because I can’t fix the world’s problems. I can’t fix all of the problems that life throws at me. I can’t make everyone happy, let alone, myself.

A couple of weeks ago, I was making cookies for my dad for Father’s Day. I didn’t measure all of the ingredients. I was in a rush. I didn’t have any help, but I was doing too much and my mind was going a mile a minute. My thoughts were, “Shit. We’re late. Again. I cannot believe we are late. Where is my husband? I need to help Skylar cut the apples for the fruit salad. I need to make these cookies. We have a long drive ahead of us and we’re already late. We should be there by now. Where is my husband? I need to wake up Isla and pack the diaper bag.” I put the mixed up ingredients on the pan and placed them in the oven and I went to help my son. Awhile after, I looked in the oven and noticed my cookies spread out on the pan in one large cookie with a big hole in the middle. I fell to the floor and cried. Hysterically. My husband walked in as I fell to the floor and looked at me like, “What the hell happened now?” My son walked over to me, and with his big heart, he held my hand and told me everything would be okay. He hugged me. Skylar, of all people in this world, has super strength. He has Type 1 Diabetes and struggles every day because of it. It doesn’t define who he is, but he shows so much courage and strength daily because of it. Unlike me… the one who cries over botched cookies. It all worked out — my husband stepped up to the plate and fixed the cookies (Thank Goodness!) and the crisis was over.

Yesterday, I lost my cool. I spent the day listening to complaints from my son and my currently overly-attached daughter and I needed space. I received a couple of texts from people with their problems and I really didn’t want to have to apologize or fix other people’s issues, but at that point, I lost my cool and I left my house (yes, my husband was home at that time). I was so angry and so frustrated with life that I drove to the nearest beach and walked. I walked for awhile and then turned and stared at the sea. The waves were small and the sound of them crashing against the rocks were peaceful. I still had that aching feeling in my heart. I stood there for a long time, staring at the sea, and finally a thought came to me. My thought wasn’t great. I thought, “I could just start swimming and see how far I can go before my muscles tire or I get so cold that I just stop trying anymore.” I thought about this for what seemed to be for a long time, but was likely only a few minutes. I thought of my life. I thought of my children and my husband. I turned around and stopped. I looked up at the trees towering over me and thought, “I wish I could be a tree in a vast forest. Trees have fewer problems and smaller complaints to deal with.” I walked up to the nearest tree and hugged it and thanked it for producing fresh air for me and for offering a home for living things. I felt better. My worries seemed to disappear for the time and I walked back to my car and drove home. Hugging the tree killed my anxiety and frustrations for that moment, and for that moment, I was okay with not solving everyone’s issues.

I am selfless. This doesn’t mean I don’t care about myself. It means I care and genuinely want to help others. However, I get burnt out. I get depressed and anxious. I need the support, too. We are so much stronger than we know we are with some love, support, and encouragement. Love and Support Conquers All.